Kai McAliley
Which F**ker Are You Now?, 2020
Paper, spray paint, plaster gauze, window, book, tape, shoes, fabric, cardboard
Dimensions variable
Kai
Chai
Boy Named Blue
The Other One (Moon)
Lovely
These were the voices that I heard during the summer of 2018. I bought a communist book from Goodwill for $1 and spent the entire summer covering the pages with drawings, poems and conversations with myself. I was in a heightened mental state and was very unstable. I get extremely bad panic attacks that look as if I am having a seizure. Just before I completely lose myself I am in a frantic but powerful state. I have created several works during this state and so for my CAS thesis project I am aiming to capture that heightened instability that comes with my anxiety disorder. I aim to do that by recreating several pieces that I have made during those times of mental duress. The list of separate pieces are as follows:
The View from Halfway Down (window)
This piece is made out of a window frame, textbook paper, spray paint and plaster gauze. This piece is a representation of a panic attack where I ended up ripping apart multiple books and wrote the words “I’m sorry” on all of them.I then covered my room’s floor and windows with papers.
Life Gave Me Lemons (tree)
Outside of my new home I have a lemon tree in my backyard. It is semi-withered and dying but still is covered in lemons. I wanted to capture how decrepid the tree feels to me.
God Bless American Divorce/Summer Reading
A series of multiple exposure photos of the book that I completed in the summer of 2018.
Evanescent Memories of 1183
This piece is a depiction go my fading memories of my childhood home. It is a broken window-frame that is covered and texturized with clothing scraps and paint. Beneath all of the layers is what remains of my old house.
I’m worthless, I’m a failure
During the finals week of my sophomore year I ended up writing all over my hand instead of studying. I covered my arms in “I am worthless, I am a failure” until I truly believed it.
The piece is set up to resemble my bedroom as a lot of my attacks have happened there. I wish for the viewer to feel as if they’ve opened the door and stumbled into a state of chaos. It is meant to be somewhat scary but also beautiful. It is a portrayal of the moments where I lose my sense of self and seemingly split or transcend my normal form. An installation of what can come out of a time of mental fracturing.
